October 10th

October 10th-
"Nothing surprises God. He knew all about you before you made your appearance on this earth... in fact He planned your debut. He decided what color eyes you would have, how tall you would grow. He had a hand in the choices you made to become who you are. While you toddled around the house at two years old, He looked into the future and saw the plans He had already laid out for you.
Nothing surprises Him, He knows the beginning from the end. So, don't forget to talk to Him about the big choices you have to make... in fact, consult Him about every single choice.
He cares."

Blair and I went to talk with the priest who married us last night. It was an hour full of tears for myself. We just talked about the possibility of us having more children and the reasons we were feeling the way we were. We talked about Hunter and the immense amount of joy that he has brought to our lives. And we also spoke of the unknown future that is putting a cloud over us. I don't mean to make it sound like every day has a black cloud hanging above us. It's not like that at all. We live each day as though Hunter is a normal (almost) 19 month old, but the syndrome is always in the back of our minds. Although we don't let it define our lives, it's still there and always will be. I'm not sure how else to make it sound and look any better. It's just not a pretty cloud! I use the example of Hunter playing outside, which is almost every afternoon. We walk a ways through the neighborhood, and every time we turn around to go back, the sun is in our eyes. And I always cringe when we turn around, because I know the sunlight in his eyes is instant deterioration. He isn't at the age where he will keep sunglasses on his head yet, but I'm not going to prevent him from being outside. I can't shelter him from acting like any other child, to spare the minutes that he is facing the sun. I always try to remain in the shade, but the sun is a very hard thing to avoid. That is just one example of the constant cloud of a reminder that we have every day.

While Blair and I have not made a decision yet about more children, we do know that we need time to really prepare ourselves to full accept the territory that comes with whichever decision that we make. The age old saying that God doesn't give us more than we can handle has been told to us so many times. And we both know that whether we decide to have more children or not, whether we have another child with Usher Syndrome or not, that we can turn to God's strength and support and faith to give us the tools to take on whatever our future holds. One of those tools has been our family and friends in our lives. We know that if at any time we need a break, we need some alone time to just "be" that we have a dozen people waiting and willing to help us in whatever ways we need.

Last night before I went to bed I read by Minute Devotions that remains on my nightstand. I have to admit that I hadn't looked at it in a while, but I figured yesterday was the perfect opportunity to start it up again, and the above passage was for October 10th. This passage made it so clear to me, it was exactly what I was looking for. God is there, listening and waiting for us to hand it all over to him. We just have to be gracefully willing to accept whatever He gives us.